Positive Adoption Language

I had one of our nurses come to me today to ask a few questions. She is in a multicultural class and needed to interview someone who has had experience with racial or ethnic diversity. She wanted to know what we did to prepare for our daughter and what we planned on doing as we move forward in life. I emailed her a long email of what we have done, what we plan to do, how we respond to racism and adoption comments. It got me thinking about some of the things that we have been correcting people on. How what we say and how we phrase things will affect how Addy interprets being adopted. We have adapted our language to include positive adoption language. We want Addy to be proud of where she came from and how she joined our family. So here is our request... When talking about adoption with us or anyone else, please try to start using positive adoption language.

One that we are more sensitive too is introducing us as "Jenn, Jared and their adopted daughter Addy", she is our daughter, adoption is just how she became part of our family. The more appropriate way to introduce us is, "Jenn, Jared, and their daughter Addy".

Here is a short list of some of the other main terminology.....

Appropriate Term-----------------------------------------Inappropriate Term
Birthparent (Birthmom, Birthfather)---------------------Real mom/dad
Biological siblings----------------------------------------Real Siblings
Birth Child-----------------------------------------------Own child
My Child-------------------------------------------------Adopted child
Make an adoption plan-----------------------------------Give away Give up
Parent---------------------------------------------------Adoptive parent
Child placed for adoption-------------------------------- an unwanted child
Was adopted-----------------------------------------------is adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents", society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren't real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles." Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. WE speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

A couple other adoption sensitive things....

Please do not ask "how much she cost". Yes we have actually been asked that a few times by both people we know and complete strangers. All adoptions have different fees. We did not buy a baby or pay someone to find one for us. If you are interested in adoption, most agencies will lay out the fees and tell you exactly where they are going, feel free to call them for details! Most adoption fees go to good use. For example, some of our fees went toward our agencies birthparent counseling program. Our agency has an extensive counseling program for birthparents who are considering adoption plans so that they get the help and support they need to decide if they want to do an adoption plan or if they want to parent their baby.

Some parts of Addy's adoption story are hers to own. Hers to know first and for her to share when she is ready to with who she chooses. Some of you know more about her background than others and we ask that you respect that. Please do not share all of her background with other friends and people who do not need to know. We want Addy to grow up learning her story from us, her parents, with out any bias that others may inadvertently show.

So as we move forward in our life with our beautiful little babe, we ask that you be supportive and help us use positive adoption language.